thegrayhoodie

It starts with the flu - new ARG?

2009-05-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so there's this website I found linked from Zombiepedia, http://www.itstartswiththeflu.com/
So we're shown some gritty font and questionable color choices and a running clock counting down to September 8, 2010. Upon selecting everything on the page, an "invisible" message of "Daniel 12; 1-13" becomes visible.

Huh, that's weird.

So a quick Google search for a quote of the verses led me to a site called Oremus Bible Browser, from which I copied this:

Daniel 12:1-13

At that time Michael, the great prince, the protector of your people, shall arise. There shall be a time of anguish, such as has never occurred since nations first came into existence. But at that time your people shall be delivered, everyone who is found written in the book. 2Many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth* shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt. 3Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky,* and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever. 4But you, Daniel, keep the words secret and the book sealed until the time of the end. Many shall be running back and forth, and evil* shall increase.’

5 Then I, Daniel, looked, and two others appeared, one standing on this bank of the stream and one on the other. 6One of them said to the man clothed in linen, who was upstream, ‘How long shall it be until the end of these wonders?’ 7The man clothed in linen, who was upstream, raised his right hand and his left hand towards heaven. And I heard him swear by the one who lives for ever that it would be for a time, two times, and half a time,* and that when the shattering of the power of the holy people comes to an end, all these things would be accomplished. 8I heard but could not understand; so I said, ‘My lord, what shall be the outcome of these things?’ 9He said, ‘Go your way, Daniel, for the words are to remain secret and sealed until the time of the end. 10Many shall be purified, cleansed, and refined, but the wicked shall continue to act wickedly. None of the wicked shall understand, but those who are wise shall understand. 11From the time that the regular burnt-offering is taken away and the abomination that desolates is set up, there shall be one thousand two hundred and ninety days. 12Happy are those who persevere and attain the thousand three hundred and thirty-five days. 13But you, go your way,* and rest; you shall rise for your reward at the end of the days.’

Alright, the verbose musings of long-dead confidence artists, what else is new in the Bibleverse? Oh, wait, read that first part again, please?

Many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt.

Uh-huh. so tl;dr

The Beatles

2008-03-06T19:42:00.000-08:00

Don't Let Me Down

And I Love Her

All You Need is Love

Today I am less a man than a God

2008-02-15T17:54:00.000-08:00

81 chubbies over at Achewood, GOD I FEEL LIKE I AM THE BEATLES

movie scenes you should worship

2008-01-20T08:42:00.000-08:00

Watch this clip here, Al Pacino's little rant at the end of "Scent of a Woman". I figure I should put one of the best first, right?

Nice. I especially love: "And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there-FUCK YOU TOO!"

Next, we've got the reason that over one summer (1999 I think), I paid to see "Fight Club" 4 times. I didn't see this coming, and to be honest, I can still watch it and get a little excited. Sort of like when you get excited watching someone open a present that you know they're going to love, and then realizing that you're both the same person.

Classic. {EDIT: GODDAMN YOUTUBE)

This is one of the better "Shaun of the Dead" clips I could find, but these guys both play "stumbling out of a bar completely wasted" so well, I had to include this scene anyway.

"What a tit."

That's all for today kids, WOKKAWOKKAWOKKA!
{EDIT: YOUTUBE, WHEREVER YOU ARE OUT THERE, FUCK YOU TOO!}

Worst wallpaper ever.

2007-12-14T08:54:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, this is just a fucking mess. I'll try harder next time, I swear.

I SERVE NONE BUT KORROK

2007-12-09T16:29:00.001-08:00

An excerpt from the Journal of Mitch Thorne

2007-08-19T17:12:00.000-07:00

Post 1
September 17th, 2011

It's not the fact that they're dead that bothers me. It's not that they never blink their cloudy, red ,worn eyes. It's not the creepy staggering way that they walk or the fact that I know we're all completely screwed, no matter what we do to try and survive. All those things are enough to make a man cringe, but the worst part about these things? It's the moaning. The wailing. The neverending chorus of desperation outside. Yesterday I tried to deaden the sound with some old t-shirts stuffed in the cracks of the windows and under the door, but it was pretty useless. They're as close as they can get, I can SEE them just fine, but they sound like they're just a foot further away than before. At first I figured the less noise I make, the less likely they were to show up, but last Tuesday at about 4 PM I screwed up big time. It was such a harmless thing, sneezing. I was too close to the window when I sneezed, and that ONE that had been wandering around down the block for two whole days hears me, and that was it. He's only got one ear, how could he have possibly heard me sneeze? How could I have known the shitstorm that would come raining down after being careless for one second? It's unfair is what it is.

But that was all it took. Then the moan eddying up the street on the wind. He hadn't even seen me yet, but he knew where I was. Which house the sound came from, even which window I was standing near. All the way down the street, slouching along, not moving his glare from that window the whole time. Moaning. By the time he made it to the front of the house, I had already moved into the center of the living room, trying to stay as low as possible. I hoped against hope that he wasn't tall enough to see into the window, to find me, to claw and scratch at the panes with those gray hands. I got my wish, by the way. He couldn't see me, and for that, I was grateful. For about half an hour. Apparently, these things don't make any noise at all until they've found a meal, but when they find it, they call ALL of their friends over for dinner, and now there's about enough heads out there to constitute a graduating class. They've completely encircled the house, four deep at the slimmest points. The wall of bodies is growing thicker at a rate of about 7 to 10 more per day. It took one moan to alert another. Then they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and we all know how that goes. Oh yeah, and the original one saw a squirrel yesterday and hasn't been back since. He got me in this shit and then took off. I swear to God, I've got his number, and he is going to get it.

The moaning is nonstop. I'm tempted to just let them in. Just give up and end the noise. But that shit ain't right. I've got to figure out what to do. As soon as I get out of here I'm gonna beat that first one's head in with a rock, I swear to God.

"Dinosaurs Attack!" a.k.a. "The Awesomest Thing Ever"

2007-07-05T15:30:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, today I'd like to take some time to educate you on something very dear to me. In case you don't remember, or were too young to have seen this when it was released in 1988, let me give you the skinny on what will undoubtedly rock your face off.

"Dinosaurs Attack!" (heretofore referred to as DA) was a card series by Topps that told the story of a not so distant (and very 80's) futere where a team of scientists have created an orbiting device, the Time Scanner, that can look back through the ages and project what happened on a big screen "made of shimmering light". The head scientist decides to look at the moment that dinosaurs were wiped out 65 million years ago, (cue ominous music) but naturally, something GOES WRONG. A pair of reptilian eyes flash across the screen and suddenly, BAM! dinosaurs show up on Earth and start wrecking the joint. After that, there isn't much storyline or character development, just dinosaurs tearing ass across the globe and eating people in uncharacteristically creative fashions. Hell, even the herbivores partake in the bloody chaos. I think the whole series could be accurately summed up in one image:

A Parasaurolophus eating a baby. Ok, now readjust your face so we can get on with this article.

Topps really went over the line with this set of cards, it's very reminiscent of their "Mars Attacks!" set released in 1962, except way more gory and brutal. Wanna know the crazy part about all this? These cards were marketed to KIDS. I remember being in kindergarten and poring over the entire set I had collected, carefully scanning every card for the most minute of details. The artwork is incredible. Nauseating, but still incredible. I don't know what kids like to collect nowadays, but I'm pretty sure I'd be arrested if I sold this to a seven year old.

Ouch. Good God, his eye came out and everything. FRIGGIN' AWESOME!

C'mon what more could a kid who was raised on movies like Predator and Robocop and Gremlins ask for?!?! I had never seen anything that combined all of my loves together so perfectly. Beautifully detailed, realistic paintings of dinosaurs? Check. A schlocky, half baked sci-fi plot? Check. Graphic, wanton violence? We have the hat trick, people! I didn't know life could be so sweet.

So now you understand why I think DA is so awesome, so let's get down to some of my favorite cards and stickers and why the are so boner-inducingly bitchin'.

Wow. Just wow. This one really speaks to how unrelentingly 80's these cards are. The skateboarder dude is so cliche', he looks like he just sidewalk surfed right out of "Gleaming the Cube" and into that disproportianately huge T-Rex's mouth. Look how freakin' EVIL that dinosaur looks. Look at the crazed look in his eye. I'd probably be crazy too, if I had tiny little sissy arms like that.

The Dimetrodon sticker cracks me up because of how ridiculously HUGE he is. These dinosaurs were only nine feet long in real life, so judging by this drawing, the DA Dimetrodon is about 1/4 of a mile long. The artists apparently had some room to be creative, but I think they went a little overboard with this one. He's big enough snort those people out of the bus.

One of the few bloodless images in the set, "A Lady in Distress" is one of my favorites because it's so iconic. Lady Liberty is getting manhandled (flipperhandled?) by what appears to be a Plesiosaur while the army tries their DAMNDEST to put a dent in this thing. Look at the image again, do you see the paratroopers firing their rifles in midair? Do they really think that's going to make difference in this fight?! It's the slimmest of chances, but goddammit we're gonna try! That's determination. That's true grit. That's how America deals with invading seafaring reptiles-without thinking anything through first.

You know, my girfriend is always trying to get me to have a picnic in the park with her. Every time I hear the word "picnic", my brain automatically conjures up this image. I usually just tell her something like: "Oh, yeah. Great idea hon, maybe next weekend, it's looks like it's about to rain." Then I change the subject.

When it comes to this one, I really have no choice but to call bullshit. I can suspend my disbelief to a point, but this is just too much. Apparently the gigantic, dumb lizards outsmarted our armed forces with a baffling strategic maneuver - attacking head on. My God, they're not only immeasurably powerful but they're GENIUSES as well! We're screwed! AAAAAARGH!

HOLY CRAP! Farmer Brown just got his ASS handed to him! The Anklyosaur swatted that guy's guts out like nothing, and to add insult to catastrophic injury, Pteradons are making off with the livestock. Oh well, maybe he can recoup his losses by planting some sorghum next year.

Ah yes, a classic. A duck hunting trip goes horribly awry when a duck-billed dinosaur flips the boat over resulting in a massive chest wound. The irony is so think you could cut it with a knife. The moral of this story? If you drink beer while hunting, someone's gonna die. Ironically.

I'm not squeamish when it comes to gory pictures, I consider myself an internet gross-out veteran. I once ate a bowl of lasagna while laughing at tubgirl.jpg, but this is one of the grossest things I've ever seen. That poor guy up front is terrifying, all his skin is melting off and he's reaching toward the "camera" with the most pathetic face on (well, what's left of it anyway) with an eyeball hanging out. For some reason, this image is scarier to me than anything I've ever seen on rotten.com

Last, but not least, we've got "A Kid Strikes Back". It's nice that Topps didn't let every single card get sent out with dying people on it, we get to see a small victory for humanity in this one. Oh, wait, no, there's a dead soldier on the ground next to the little girl FIRING A BAZOOKA. That Carnotaurus doesn't even know what's up with his intestines blown out through his back, throwing up blood on a crying baby. Consider this exhibit A that DA isn't just a set of collectible cards that tells a silly little sci-fi story. DA is illustrated bat-shit insanity.

Well, that's it for this update, I hope you guys liked it. There are something like 40 more cards in the set, so if you all want to see them, drop me a line and I'll get right to it.

What up my ninjas

2007-05-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, in addition to my art blog I'll also be running this site to ramble about regular junk and movies and games and stuff, maybe some pics. Check back soon!